I am always touched by the hymns we sing to prepare to receive the Sacrament in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have sung these songs weekly for all of my life while active in the Church. All of them are burned into my memory and it is a joy to think through them, even when driving in my car.

Despite knowing them so well, the never touch me so much as when being sung just prior to receiving the bread and water that represent he body and blood of the Savior. During that time, as I reflect on the meaning of that sacred ordinance and the loving act that we remember by it, sometimes certain phrases will trigger a sweet feeling. (more…)

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On June 30, 2013, my ward chose for its fifth Sunday combined Melchizedek Priesthood and Relief Society meeting the topic of same-sex attraction. As many probably know, it has been something I have hoped would happen for a long time. The meeting had not been announced, so I didn’t know to expect it, but was happy when it did.

Despite this and other blogs I’ve written for, I had never really spoken publicly about my own experience with same-sex attraction in my own ward. There are many reasons for that, not the least of which was that I didn’t feel it appropriate to make such a revelation when it wasn’t the topic of the discussion anyway. In other words, I wanted to wait for a moment when it fit naturally. (more…)

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Several weeks ago, the Boys Scouts of America announced that they were considering lifting the national organization’s ban on homosexual scouts and scout leaders, leaving the policy-making on the issue up to the local sponsoring organizations. At first, the announcement was met with accolades, but later faced opposition from conservative sponsoring institutions and local Scouting organizations.

Notable among those organizations was the Great Salt Lake Council, a preponderance of whose sponsoring institutions are units of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Though the Church itself declined to comment, the cultural influence of the members of the Church in the Council no doubt was at the heart of the push to urge the BSA to abandon its proposed changes.

(more…)

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Barney and I Near Tanner Creek

Today is high council Sunday and I am speaking as companion to a member of the high council in another ward, one of the joys of having a stake calling. I didn’t mean that sarcastically. I really do enjoy speaking, probably way more than I enjoy the administrative stuff.

For me, speaking in church is a something I look forward to. Never mind what the topic is today. That’s not what this is about.

(more…)

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Xyla Faye Kelley

This month is the anniversary of my dear mother’s passing. She died April 6, 2000 of pancreatic cancer. I miss her very much and will always remember the lessons she taught me and the great friend she was to me.

I know that a lot of people would say that a mother should be a mother and not a friend, but I liked it that she was both. She was definitely a mom when she needed to be, but we did have such good times. She was funny, profound, and spiritual. (more…)

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I’ve always had a great love of the sea. To some extent I suppose it’s genetic at least on my mother’s side of the family.Sometimes  it feels really good to get away for a few hours. Sometimes I even learn a few things about myself or life in general while walking on the beach. This was such an occasion.  (more…)

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I’ve seen a lot of people leave the Church, probably more than my share. I’ve known a lot of people with criticism for the Church over things that aren’t consistent with the person’s way of thinking. As the world changes, popular ways of thinking continue to diverge from the Church’s teachings. It seems that we will see more and more people leaving the Church over these things.

I don’t think anyone is completely immune to these pressures. I know that I struggle with my own perceptions that don’t entirely line up with at least the cultural aspects of what Mormons tend to be like and believe. (more…)

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Wisdom and encouragement can sometimes come in unusual packages. Sometimes they can be great choruses or works of music created by some of the great composers. Sometimes, in words written by the saints and apostles of ages past as well as today. And sometimes from  an annoying ear worm or some very pretty flowers.  (more…)

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After making somewhat of a nuisance of myself in How Silence Feels, people have wondered just what it is I think that local church leaders should be saying about homosexuality. I think it is an easy question, at least in my mind, but may be a little overwhelming for others. Then again, it’s a subject on my mind a whole lot more than it is on theirs.

Still, it’s a fair question, so I thought I’d give a little advice, not that anyone is considering taking it as far as I know. (more…)

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No Big Secret

It is no big secret.I’m a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, happily married, father of five, almost father-in-law of five, and grandfather of eight. I’m also gay, if that’s a word you don’t find too offensive. I’m strongly committed to my marriage and I love my wife.

When I write about this stuff on the internet, it has tended to create a bit of controversy about me. Most people like me. Some hate me. Some don’t even know I exist. Poor them.

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Elder David A. Bednar

I have found that it is difficult for some people to read about my experiences with the Boy Scouts of America and being released by the Church from my calling as a Scout leader because of my same-sex attraction. They find it difficult to fathom how I could write frankly about a situation that tells a story involving a general authority of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who felt strongly about men with same-sex attraction serving in the Scouting program.

Many Latter-day Saints feel that to present even the slightest negative view of a leader of the Church, much less a high leader of the Church, is bordering on apostasy. I am familiar with the sentiment. I’m aware of the concern that arises when it happens. I know that some of that concern has been for me. (more…)

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If you have been following what I have been writing about the possibility of the Boy Scouts of America changing their policies regarding registration of gay members, you know that I had my own run-in with the policy. You also know that I hope they will change their policy. I don’t really have any way of knowing where I stand with other Latter-day Saints, but a clue to how the Church feels might be found in the Great Salt Lake Council’s announcement that they are asking the National organization to postpone the vote. (more…)

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In 1945, Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein wrote a musical called Carousel. It was based on an earlier non-musical play by  Ferenc Molnár  called Liliom. A number of well known songs came from that musical. One of them though is particularly inspiring and has been recorded by numerous artists and even been adopted as theme for a soccer club in Liverpool, England. The song is called, You’ll Never Walk Alone. I’ve heard it countless times and more than once it’s brought tears to my eyes.  (more…)

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In Taking the Plunge: A Leap of Faith, I wrote that I wasn’t as concerned about changing policies of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or the Boy Scouts of America, as I was seeing the hearts of people change to be tolerant and loving towards those with same-sex attraction.

I realize that I left it fairly vague as to what changes I felt needed to be made in the attitudes and cultural practices of my fellow Latter-day Saints. The piece was long enough as it was and I had enough to say on the subject that I saved it for today. (more…)

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My Friend Eric Jumping Off of Lower Punchbowl Falls

Many years ago, while serving as a Scoutmaster in a troop sponsored by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we backpacked up Eagle Creek Trail occasionally. It is and always has been my favorite piece of nature. From the first time I visited there in high school until I got too arthritic to handle it, I would seize any opportunity to go and enjoy its magnificent beauty.

It is a divine masterpiece of magnificent vistas, breathtaking waterfalls, and lush greenery that fills me with awe at God’s creativity. For me, the many memories of my time spent there mirror my memories of life. Life is a trail, filled with beauty, wonder, and sometimes danger. (more…)

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