I’ve tried many different looks in my lifetime, mostly related to my hair. I’m happy to say that at fifty-six years old, I still have all of it, unless I choose to shave it off.

Likewise, I have tried a lot of different ideas out. While my hairstyle is a matter of choosing to try out different looks, trying out different ideas is not optional. I’m trying to figure out a very complex and interesting person.

One idea I tried out about 18 years ago was to open up to the world about dealing with same-sex attraction. For the most part, it has turned out well. There are still a lot of people who are uncomfortable with it and with me. (See Hide Your Husbands!) As grumpy as that may seem to make me, I’m a lot less bothered by it than I seem.

The way I see things, I’ve been very intimately trying to figure myself out for the last, oh, fifty-six years. That’s an around-the-clock task. I really can’t fault people who spend a lot less time than that with me if they can’t figure me out either.

At the same time, I stick up for myself when I need to. Even though I prefer a straightforward approach when people question me, I’ll take the more passive-aggressive methods as well. As long as you are ready for my response, go for it.

The 11th Article of Faith of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says, “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.”

I think this applies to a lot of things. One of those things is how people view homosexuality. I’ve long said that I don’t try to dictate to other people who are attracted to the same sex how they should deal with it. I’ve dealt with it all my life and I’m still trying to figure it out. That has been a very difficult process and continues to be challenging. So how can I fault someone who has chosen a different path?

As I wrote in Following Peace with All Men, “It has been particularly disappointing when people can’t love me and disagree with me at the same time.” Some people just don’t have that capacity. It is, however, their issue.

My responsibility is to be true to my own values. High on my list of values is what the short order cook in The Muppets Take Manhattan said. “Peoples is peoples.” I accept that just like me, other people are on some kind of journey of self-discovery, self-understanding, and making sense of the cosmos.

I hope they find it. I hope I find it. Until then, I try to look at things through a lens of tolerance.

Please understand that I think that there is right and there is wrong. Truth is absolute. What is is, no matter how dimly we may see it or understand it.

All I’m saying is that I’m not in charge of how other people figure things out. It’s a full-time job for me to figure things out.

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